The Care Company

empowered caregiving™

It’s a new world and caregivers need to become savvy about what has changed. There are myths surrounding caregiving and here they are.

Myth #1: Only Immediate Family can do Caregiving!
Wrong! Your family cannot do this alone and you need help. Certainly it is the preference of elders to have their family members providing care, but the truth is that outsiders from professional caregivers to volunteers, those who fill in and help out, provide value to the elder. Variety and new people bring a different perspective and understanding, and it helps the elder to adjust to new situations if others perform the caregiving duties, in addition to family members.  Help is everywhere and we encourage you to use your local resources to find others who can fill in and relieve you of some of your duties. The elder may very well balk at the idea of “strangers” entering the home, but with thorough background checks, you can find excellent people to help out.

Myth #2: We don’t discuss Money!
You must discuss finances and The Care Company recommends that you do this early, before problems arise. Yes, the elderly are private about their financial resources, but you need to know what assets are available to the family in order to provide the best possible care for your loved one. Too many families are tapping into and depleting their savings, because they are afraid to broach the subject of finances with a loved one. You need to know the financial state of affairs of your loved one especially since financial elder abuse is on the rise. This is your way of monitoring any suspicious activity that your loved one might not want you to know about. It’s a safety measure as well as a way to assess what outside care might be possible.

Myth #3: We will NEVER Take Away the Keys!
Yikes! It’s hard to believe that monitoring someone’s driving in the past was never even considered. If they were able, people literally drove until their dying day. It’s an unbelievable thought. Many people today recognize the need to check the quality of an elderly loved one’s driving ability, but sadly, even with a negative assessment, many people are still too afraid to do anything about the signs that someone needs to put away the keys. This is a serious issue. Driving is a privilege – Not a Right! It doesn’t matter if you are worried or nervous about having this particular conversation. You must understand that NOT doing anything about a bad driver is really dangerous. Should anything happen and especially if someone is injured, there will be horrible consequences for the senior and the family. We live in a litigious society and the result of not taking the keys away is often unthinkable for families. You must act. (See Taking Away the Keys for more information.)

Myth #4: We promise never to put “You” in a care facility.

The guilt that surrounds this issue is often worse than the actual act of placing an elder in a facility. You should never make this promise to a loved one, because you simply don’t know what the future will hold. With advances in medical care, people are living longer than anyone thought possible. If a senior is living independently and needs only a temporary assistance, then alternative living is really not a good idea. However, if someone has dementia or Alzheimer’s or is really ill and cannot live independently without twenty-four hour a day care that goes beyond the scope of what you can provide at home, then you might have to consider other options.

You have other relationships in your life – spouse, children, grandchildren, etc. and when these relationships begin to suffer because of a “promise” made long ago, lives can be ruined. Marriages fall apart. This is NOT what caregiving is about. Think very carefully before making promises. You simply cannot know the future.

Myth #5: We will do everything medically possible to keep you alive!
You might have read that statement and said to yourself, “Of course that’s what we’ll do!” Caring for the elderly has changed dramatically in recent times. There is more aggressive and invasive care than ever before. A doctor’s role is to do everything possible to keep someone alive. This could mean administering chemotherapy treatments to a 90–year-old who is weak and frail. It could mean open-heart surgery to an 84-year-old who has had congestive hearth failure for years. It could mean back surgery for an 87-year-old who is living with chronic pain.

Actually each of these scenarios is true. And each person who underwent the treatment ended up worse off than before. Yes, the life was indeed extended, but without any quality of life. In today’s world, quality of life is a great guiding principle and with the availability of palliative care and hospice care, the elderly and the sick really do have a say in what their treatment and life looks like.

A Final Thought
Be cautious with your words. As a caregiver, don’t make promises that you might not be able to keep. The landscape changes often and the care requires adjustments. If you are asked one of these challenging question, tell your loved one with complete sincerity that you will do the best you can every day, but that you can’t make promises because no one knows the future. This is an Empowered Caregiver statement because it saves you from having to go back on your word or a promise. If you are interested in more information or if you feel like you can benefit from having actual help and guidance, we encourage you to become a Member of the Care Company’s Empowered Caregiver’s Membership. This gives you direct access to Cindy to help you with your personal caregiving challenges. There is no ONE set answer for every family. Don’t you deserve personal care?