Self-Care
Caregiving is an important and stressful job. Most people enter into it from an emotionally fragile place where their worst fears can be, and often are, realized.
If you are caregiver and want to survive this life stage, you must surrender your uncertainty about what to do and commit yourself to acting on a well thought out plan. Like any successful enterprise, having an understanding about what you are about to enter into will help you accept your new role and give you a roadmap for coping. Sixty five percent of persons with long-term care needs rely exclusively on family and friends to provide assistance, and it’s estimated that 59 to 75 percent of those providing the care are married women working outside of the home. While men do provide assistance, female caregivers spend as much as 50 percent more time providing care than males. The key to successful care giving is not losing yourself along the way.
While extending one’s lifespan may be a modern miracle, for millions of Americans, this astounding growth has taken the act of care giving for a loved one from a historically temporary situation, to a new life stage that can and often does last for decades. Caregiving is a gradual process and the signs are different for each individual, but they are definitely present. Like anything in life, you will find success by being as pragmatic as possible. Emotion will set in, but if you try and put the emotion aside and create a plan for yourself and the person for whom you are caring, you will be far more successful.
There are specific things you can do to care for yourself. Try taking yourself to the place of a distant observer, where you can view the situation from an unemotional, well thought-out, objective place. By standing back and removing yourself temporarily from the center of the “storm”, you will gain perspective and this will go miles in helping you create a plan. When we are caught up in the emotion and frustration of caregiving, we lose our ability to cope effectively.
Define your role and responsibilities. As a caregiver, particularly if you are female, it is natural for you to be tempted to try to do everything for your loved one. Depending on the condition of your loved one’s health, you may find yourself having to do many things they previously did for themselves, such as personal grooming, driving to appointments or day-to-day household duties. Responsibilities such as these have the potential to cause undue stress. Even if the elder is greatly dependent upon you for their care, you will find that you are better able to maintain your own mental and physical health, and the dignity of the person for whom you are caring, if your roles and responsibilities are clearly defined. Determine what you are able to do. If you need help, ask someone for assistance. Oftentimes a friend, neighbor or another family member are willing to step in and assist you with specific duties. If you learn to ask for help and you are diligent about setting up a support system, you will have much less daily stress.
Practice open communication. This is not the time to be shy about your needs. It is the key to your survival, and you must clarify your role by clearly communicating your needs. Unless your loved one is mentally incapacitated, you must talk about his/her wants and needs, and be sure to make yours clear as well. Discuss the immediate necessities, but plan for the future. In time, you may find yourself with increased responsibilities such as, medical, home maintenance, legal and financial matters. Make certain that you not only understand what your fiduciary boundaries are, but to whom you can refer to for other important decisions when the time comes.
It can not be stressed enough that in order to survive the caregiving process and total burnout, you must set up systems to help you. You do not have to do this alone. Help is available; the time you take to understand where it is and how to access it; will be crucial to your survival.
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