Ten Simple Things to do When Visiting an Elder
It doesn’t matter whether your elderly loved one is independently living at home or is in an alternative living facility. We tend to forget the simple things that make someone feel special, appreciated and loved. Follow these ten steps and you’ll be on your way to successful visits.
- BE YOURSELF! You don’t have to do anything except be YOU! The simple fact is that you are present and have taken time from your day to visit is enough. Just BE.
- Bring current family photos and photo albums from the past. Do not bring photos, which require great explanation, rather bring photos of children, grandchildren and family friends. The elderly also love to reminisce about the good old days. Bring photos from the past and ask your loved one to tell a story about his/her remembrances.
- If conversation is difficult, bring a book and read to your loved one.
- Go for a walk. If the elder requires wheelchair assistance, you can still go outside and walk around the neighborhood. If you are visiting in an alterative living facility, get out of the room and go outside. This is a treat.
- The power of touch means everything. Hold hands. Comb someone’s hair. Look in the elder’s eyes. Give a light massage. Speak from love and kindness. Be fully present and engaged.
- Ask the elder to tell you stories about his/her childhood memories. Consider bringing a tape recorder and recording them. Having your loved one’s voice on tape is a beautiful to your family.
- Bear witness. You can’t fix what’s wrong. Listen and acknowledge. Be compassionate but do not engage in sympathy.
- If your loved one is not on a special diet, bring a treat; something that is special and wonderful and a favorite.
- Relax and be at peace with the time you are spending with your loved one. These are special moments. Enjoy them. Live in the NOW. It’s really all that matters. Feel good about your shared time with your loved one.
- Leave your judgment at the door. Be open to whatever the elder says. Just go along. You don’t gain anything by correcting an elder, even if you know he/she is not accurate. Remember the purpose of your visit. Just leave your judgment behind.
