The Basics
How to know that an elder needs care -- and the important areas of focus.
What are The Basics? They are the starting points, from the signs indicating that a senior requires additional care, to the areas of a senior’s life that may be most affected and that family caregivers will want to make a priority. They are the topics for early and ongoing consideration and attention: recognizing the signs, health, home safety, role reversal, communication, stress and compassionate caregiving.
Recognizing the Signs
Most of us notice that something is amiss with an elderly loved one long before we do anything about it. But the time to pay attention and do something is when you first suspect that something is wrong. By being attentive and taking early and immediate action, you will get ahead of the game and have more time to take the necessary actions before a crisis occurs. Early action ensures that life during the care-giving period will be better for you and your elder loved one.
The need for care comes with signs, and chances are good that those signs, even if subtle, will be everywhere. The house may be dirtier or more cluttered, clothes may not get laundered or cleaned regularly, bills may not be paid. Watch for unfilled prescriptions for medications, multiple messages on the answering machine, broken or dilapidated appliances, rotten food – or no food – in the refrigerator, a lack of attention to personal hygiene, or a general unkemptness that seems to affect all areas of life. If the elder has a pet, it may hot have been attended to for a while, and if the elder is still driving, there might be dents or scrapes on the car. (See “Taking Away the Keys” for more on this subject.)
There may be other signs not listed here. The point is: be attentive for anything that seems different from the norm, out of place or a bit chaotic. Physical challenges, memory lapses, cognitive impairment and loss of vision are some reasons that seniors struggle to perform the routine activities of daily life. And most seniors will not ask for help.
Changes of this kind may be alarming for you, but try to see them as symptoms signaling that change is occurring. The changes can be quite subtle and may seem so minor as to be easily ignored. Others will occur incrementally, so you may not notice. Things may seem normal, but if your intuition tells you something is amiss, pay attention; that inner voice may have something valuable to say. Watch for patterns of change and remember that mental deterioration (dementia) is not a normal part of aging. Many of us believe that it is, but it’s not. Pay attention to the signs, and when you notice them, take action.
Health Issues
Health issues are another real concern. Watch for weight loss or eight gain, changes in appetite, difficulty swallowing, daytime sleepiness, bruises, (a possible sign of falling), spilling and dropping things, muscle weakness, dehydration (a common problem for seniors), physical weakness and insomnia. Pay attention to cognitive functions. Is your loved one frequently forgetting things, getting lost while driving, losing reasoning skills, becoming short-tempered or easily frustrated, repeating stories, failing to finish sentences, wandering off in conversation, becoming unable to focus, forgetting to turn off appliances – all the while making excuses for these cognitive deficits? If any of this rings true for you, you need to see a doctor and have your loved one evaluated. Begin with the primary care physician. If a referral is necessary, the doctor will determine whom you need to see next.
Home Safety
This is also the time to take a walk through your loved one’s house, checking carefully and making notes about anything that seems to be out of place, missing or just not right. As you proceed and discover, avoid getting frustrated, and don’t point out to your loved one the things you have observed. Stay positive and understand that these changes are never intentional and are beyond the elderly person’s control. Pointing them out will only increase everyone’s stress while causing frustration, shame, defensiveness and sadness for your loved one. The reality is that most people don’t want to live this way, but they don’t know how to improve the situation. As you become a caregiver, this becomes your charge. These things have happened, so move forward without blame, shame or guilt, and take the necessary steps to begin rectifying the situation.
If you pay attention to the signs, you face the truth head on, and you follow the procedures given on The Care Company website, you will be better prepared when something more serious occurs. The signs of aging are your wake-up call to step in and take action.
If you have done your due diligence, then you have already made the house safe for your loved one. If not, please refer to the free “Elder-proof Your Home Scavenger Hunt” for the best ways to make the house less hazardous for your elder. A safe house is a place where the chance of falls and other accidents is minimized, which means less time in the hospital, where many seniors begin an irreversible decline. According to the statistics, one in every three seniors over the age of 65 will fall. Elder-proofing the house will give your senior a much better chance of remaining part of the two in three who don’t.
If you haven’t already discussed safety with your loved one, then you need to explain that you want to help avoid any future problems and that more than anything, you want your loved one to live independently. Remember, stay positive and take your time. Let your loved one know that you want her to be safe. Explain the reasons why you are concerned about safety. Be clear about the issue of falling, and know that falling is one of the biggest fears that the elderly worry about secretly. “What happens if…?” is often the question that is there but not spoken. Just because it hasn’t been brought up doesn’t mean it’s not a real concern.
Note: Making the house safe does not guarantee that a fall will not occur. Lack of balance is a serious physical issue for many seniors.
