Category: Cindy’s Story

A Life of Grace

Posted February 4th, 2012 by Cindy Laverty

Yesterday I said good-bye to my friend in a beautiful chapel, streaming with the afternoon light and surrounded by her family and friends. Although I didn’t see her often, she had been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. She was always magical to me because she embodied effervescence and grace simultaneously. She was impeccable in her style, her speech, her unbridled love for her family and friends, but mostly it was her grace that I will remember the most.

She was one of my parent’s dearest friends. What made her so special was the way she made you feel when you were in her presence. You felt like you were the only person in the room. She looked into your eyes and engaged you in conversation. She wanted to know all about YOU. She asked questions and she listened to the answer. She was a beautiful woman and her spirit lives on in her daughters and her grandchildren. She had a smile that lit up a room and you just felt better knowing that she was there.

The last time I saw her was at my father’s memorial service in December 2010 and I promised her that my mother and I would have lunch with her in the New Year. We never did, not because I didn’t want to, but because time gets away from us and we get caught up in our own lives and then we forget. It happens every day. Someone crosses our mind and we make a mental note to call the next day and make a plan. And then the cycle begins again and we never make the call. I didn’t even know that she was ill and I read about her passing in the paper and my heart sank. Yes, I have sadness and regret that I didn’t make that lunch happen.

The lesson here is for each of us to take the time to do the things that really matter so we don’t have any regrets. Nothing is more important than spending time with those who have made a difference in our lives. Few things are so urgent that they can’t be put on hold for one more hour or one more day. We live in a world that is too fast-paced and in an attempt to keep up, we forget. We forget to say how much someone means to us. Many people forget to say “I love you.” We forget. For me, going forward, I’m going to make every attempt to DO the things that matter most; to show up fully when I say I will; to be the best person I can be and to engage in the most gracious way I know how. Imagine a world where we all decided to live in grace?

I feel honored to have known this woman. I feel blessed to have her daughters in my life and I will miss her. She was light and I’m sure her light will shine always.

Celebrate the Moments of Life!

Posted January 20th, 2012 by Cindy Laverty

My mother is celebrating her 83rd birthday in a few days, and although she's not too excited about turning another year older...I'm thrilled! Thrilled because at 83 years old, she is 83 years YOUNG! A year ago she was recuperating from a horrible fall that really had her in a lot of pain and left her somewhat incapacitated for about 10 months. But she was tough and was determined to recover. And she did, but not without a lot of work. We went to doctor after doctor but what made all the difference was her attitude and the support of her family. Today...she is fully recovered and she has a new outlook on life. So on her birthday, we're going to celebrate...act silly...and I'm going to cherish my time with her. I can tell you how important it is to celebrate every day that you have with your loved one and I can also tell you that it our ATTITUDE that will always see us through. As sons and daughters...husbands and wives...children and grandchildren...partners...whatever your role is, it's so important to be full present...engaged in the process and a strong advocate for your loved one. We all need this kind of support. I invite you to celebrate with your loved one. YOU DON'T NEED A REASON!

A Simple Reminder to Care

Posted January 9th, 2012 by Cindy Laverty

Today has been especially challenging for me emotionally. I received an email this morning from a dear friend - an elderly woman who in the past year I had lost touch with, for no reason other than I was busy. Quite an excuse, right? I'm not proud of it, but it happens. Anyway, I learned that her husband passed away a little over a year ago, and I didn't even know it. My heart hurts today, not so much because he is no longer here, but because I wasn't there for his wife - my friend. We all get busy. We sometimes get so busy that we forget to STOP...REACH OUT...AND OFFER A KIND WORD. I will miss him because he was as near a perfect man as I have ever known, but I am promising myself that I will not let this happen again.

I made this video for you and I hope in some small way it touches you.

Do You Have a Case of the “If Onlys?”

Posted January 4th, 2012 by Cindy Laverty

Almost daily I speak with someone who is really struggling with their personal caregiving journey, and as we spend time discussing the challenges that they are facing, I always hear the words “IF ONLY…” If only I had more free time. If only I wasn’t so tired. If only I had siblings who would help me. If only my mother would appreciate me…it’s one “IF ONLY” after the other. My response is always the same.

“If only you had (fill in the blank) what would happen?” When I ask this question there is either silence on the end of the phone or some amount of stammering. Somehow when we are asked the one poignant question that forces us to really look at our life situation, we don’t have an answer. This is because it’s so easy to get stuck in the “If Only” scenario.

Does your life look like Groundhog Day? Is it the same, day in and day out? Do you dwell in the “if onlys”? Here’s the thing: the “if onlys” are never going away unless YOU make a decision to change what isn’t working. It’s that simple. When I get stuck in the “if only” dialogue in my head, I have to force myself to get comfortable with what is uncomfortable. Human beings like to be comfortable and our brain is really good at tricking us into staying comfortable; even if the comfort causes us pain. Whatever it is that we are accustomed to is the place that our brain (or ego) feels the best. Change is disruptive, but it’s disruptive for a reason. We are meant to evolve and grow and when we become complacent our ego is very happy – even if you aren’t.

I also hear people talking about their dilemma. There is a big difference between having a dilemma and making a decision. Dilemmas are an excuse to fret, but decisions force us to decide to do something differently. Decisions force us out of our comfort zone and we all like to be comfortable. But what if making a decision to do one thing differently actually changed the way you felt about your role as a caregiver? What if stepping out of “the box” was the first step towards getting a handle on your personal situation? What if making a decision actually made a difference?

I’d like you to try something today. Make a list of all the things that are causing problems for you. Be very specific as you list them. Just write. After you make your list; use another sheet of paper and put them in order from the most troubling to the least troubling. I’m pretty sure you will see a trend. Perhaps it’s that you haven’t set any boundaries. Maybe you have no help and you are trying to do everything alone. Maybe you’re a “fixer” and you can’t fix what is wrong. There will be a trend. Once you’ve made the list, take a break…give yourself credit…and go about your day. Tomorrow come back to the list and DECIDE to make one change. It doesn’t have to be big; it just has to be something. When I first became a caregiver, I thought I had to give up my life to care for this person. I didn’t, but that’s what I thought. My decision was to ask for help. I was terrified to admit that I couldn’t do this alone. But I asked and I got the help I needed and I felt a new sense of freedom, which had eluded me for months. The result of this was that I got my life back and consequently, I was a better caregiver!

So for today, just make a decision to do something differently. And let me know how it works for you. If you are really struggling with this process, you might want to consider having a FREE Breakthrough Session with me. I promise you will emerge from your FREE session with clarity and the courage to make a CHANGE!