This is a very important subject and we’re glad you asked. Senior nutrition is a concern for many families. As we age and especially when a senior lives alone, the idea of cooking food, eating alone and then cleaning up becomes overwhelming. Our appetites lessen as we age and eating becomes more of a chore than a pleasure. If you know that your mother is not eating, then you’re going to have to take steps to ensure that she is getting nutrition. Malnutrition among seniors is extremely common and if she is taking medication, it’s a strain on her system. You can attempt to explain all of this to her and she may smile, tell you she’s eating and then do exactly as she pleases.
What often works is to ask her what she would like to eat. If her favorite foods were in her refrigerator or her pantry and they were easily accessible, she might be more inclined to eat. For example, if she likes soup, then have it in the refrigerator ready for her to heat it up. Maybe it’s a little dessert that she wants, but it’s too much trouble to prepare it. It’s not necessary for her to eat three large meals a day. Unless she’s on a special diet, you can prepare food for her, deliver it every few days and then check and see if she’s eating. Foods that were once easy to chew and digest might be causing her problems as well. You are going to have to be a detective here and figure what is going to work for her. Make it easy. Have fresh fruit in the house. Make a large smoothie and put it into smaller glasses in the refrigerator and she can grab one when she wants something. You are going to have to help her.
If she continues to lose weight or it’s clear that she’s not eating, then you’ll have to take her to the doctor and have a conversation and a check-up. It’s possible that there is something medically wrong. It’s also possible that she’s just lonely and doesn’t want to eat alone. If this is the case, you can make arrangements for friends or family to come by and eat with her. Having company works wonders for a senior’s outlook on the dining experience.
As we age, nighttime sleeping is often hit or miss. Sometimes an aging person gets a good night’s sleep and sometimes not. It’s one of the changes in body chemistry. Naps are a normal part of an elderly person’s day. That being said, long, frequent naps are NOT normal. You need to find out more about what is causing this sleepiness. Are your parents getting dressed? Are they going about their day as usual and just taking a nap in the afternoon? Are they staying active? Is the bed getting made regularly? Are they depressed? You might need to pay a visit to the Primary Care Physician and find out more about the sleep issues that are causing the problem. You need to put on your investigative hat and try to discover exactly what is going on here. Find out how often and how much sleep your parents are getting during the day. It could be boredom. It could be depression or it could be a medical issue.
Someone, maybe not you, needs to be the responsible party in charge of financial matters in case of an emergency, or when/if your loved one becomes unable to make these decisions. This is a discussion that you need to have with your family and the person who takes on this role, must be willing to handle the finances for your loved one. When a crisis occurs, someone needs to step in and pay bills, have access to accounts, speak to businesses on behalf of your loved one, talk to insurance companies, and if you don’t have a POA for assets in place, no one is going to talk to you. As a family, make this decision carefully. Someone needs to do this.
Everyone should have a Medical Directive in place because without it, you have no say about the your personal wishes when it comes to your medical care. Should something happen to you and you can longer advocate on your own behalf, your Medical Directive becomes your voice. Without a Medical Directive, doctors must do everything possible to keep you alive. This sounds appropriate, right, however, this means feeding tubes, ventilators, etc…anything to keep you alive. Most Americans do not have a Medical Directive, but The Care Company is passionate about the need to have one.
This is a challenging subject and one that requires sensitivity because you are dealing with a senior who is in transition. By this we mean that there are certain points in a senior’s life when physical changes serve as major obstacles and they often don’t know how to deal or cope with them. Incontinence is normal and part of the aging process. We know of no senior who is without this issue. The best way to discuss the subject is with sensitivity and clarity. You need to find the time when you and your mom can be alone together and have ‘the conversation’. If her faculties are in place, chances are good that she is well aware of her incontinence issue. She is probably embarrassed, but doesn’t know what to do. This is a dignity issue – helping your mother understand that her dignity is very important to you and you know it’s important to her. Many seniors who are suffering from incontinence are not even aware that very good undergarments exist that can save them from embarrassment. Explain that by wearing an undergarment (try to avoid using the word diaper) she will be able to continue to go out and be with friends and family and not have to worry about embarrassing situations. Let her know that this will help her to be comfortable when a bathroom might be too far away or if she has a sudden urge to “go” and she can’t control her bladder. Explain that the undergarment will give her more security and peace of mind. Explain that she can also sleep in it, which will make getting up at night less fearful for her. We always worry about broaching the subject, but usually the outcome of these conversations is one of relief and resolve.
Someone, maybe not you, needs to be the responsible party in charge of financial matters in case of an emergency, or when/if your loved one becomes unable to make these decisions. This is a discussion that you need to have with your family and the person who takes on this role, must be willing to handle the finances for your loved one. When a crisis occurs, someone needs to step in and pay bills, have access to accounts, speak to businesses on behalf of your loved one, talk to insurance companies, and if you don’t have a POA for assets in place, no one is going to talk to you. As a family, make this decision carefully. Someone needs to do this.
Everyone should have a Medical Directive in place because without it, you have no say about the your personal wishes when it comes to your medical care. Should something happen to you and you can longer advocate on your own behalf, your Medical Directive becomes your voice. Without a Medical Directive, doctors must do everything possible to keep you alive. This sounds appropriate, right, however, this means feeding tubes, ventilators, etc…anything to keep you alive. Most Americans do not have a Medical Directive, but The Care Company is passionate about the need to have one.
This is a challenging subject and one that requires sensitivity because you are dealing with a senior who is in transition. By this we mean that there are certain points in a senior’s life when physical changes serve as major obstacles and they often don’t know how to deal or cope with them. Incontinence is normal and part of the aging process. We know of no senior who is without this issue. The best way to discuss the subject is with sensitivity and clarity. You need to find the time when you and your mom can be alone together and have ‘the conversation’. If her faculties are in place, chances are good that she is well aware of her incontinence issue. She is probably embarrassed, but doesn’t know what to do. This is a dignity issue – helping your mother understand that her dignity is very important to you and you know it’s important to her. Many seniors who are suffering from incontinence are not even aware that very good undergarments exist that can save them from embarrassment. Explain that by wearing an undergarment (try to avoid using the word diaper) she will be able to continue to go out and be with friends and family and not have to worry about embarrassing situations. Let her know that this will help her to be comfortable when a bathroom might be too far away or if she has a sudden urge to “go” and she can’t control her bladder. Explain that the undergarment will give her more security and peace of mind. Explain that she can also sleep in it, which will make getting up at night less fearful for her. We always worry about broaching the subject, but usually the outcome of these conversations is one of relief and resolve.
You might not be able to convince him. What you can do is to spend some time assessing the situation regarding your mom. You also have to assess what caring for your mother is doing physically to your father. Is he able to do this very challenging job? Is he able to emotionally handle it and is she getting the best possible care from him? Since this is your father we’re talking about here, you will need to approach him in a way that he’ll understand and relate to. In other words, how does he handle conversations? Women tend to approach these subjects from a more emotional place, but if your dad doesn’t do that, then you will need to tailor the conversation so that he can relate to it. It’s not easy, but understanding your father’s personality is key to the success of your conversation with him.
There is also the issue of guilt. You can see the benefit for your mother and your father that an assisted living facility would provide, but years of living together and caring for one another makes separation a very difficult and emotional decision. If you are going to have the conversation, be sure that you have done your research about the facilities you think would best serve your mother. You will need to make sure that your father knows he can be with your mother whenever he wants and that he will be part of making the decision on where to place her. You also need to be certain that he will be able to afford to pay the facility. If finances are an issue, he might very well be frightened and too proud to discuss this with you. If he doesn’t already have caregivers to help him, this is often a good place to begin. This is a journey and it’s full of twists and turns. Sometimes you have to take small steps and be patient. Before you have the talk with your dad, be sure you’ve covered all your bases and that you have clearly defined answers and solutions for him. You must do this in a kind and loving way.
Hoarding is a huge problem with many seniors. You might not be the best person to discuss this with your father. There are excellent professionals who do nothing but deal with this issue. It’s great that you are aware of the problem, because nothing good can come of this. There are health issues galore, not to mention safety issues. Seniors who are hoarders have a compulsion to hoard and the complications that excessive saving of possessions can cause in the lives of people who cannot bring themselves to get rid of their belongings can really wreak havoc in a family’s life. Usually hoarders are discovered when emergency services are required. There may be a fire in the kitchen or a health emergency where the emergency workers cannot get into the house or cannot get a stretcher through the door. Sometimes neighbors report the hoarder. In an apartment building, the hoarder may be discovered when maintenance people cannot get into the dwelling for repairs. I don’t mean to scare you, but hoarding can be incredibly dangerous. If a hoarder clears the clutter, there is room for new and better things to come into the hoarder’s life, in this case, your father.
It’s important to establish a trusting relationship with the person who is hoarding. This is extremely difficult to deal with especially if the hoarder is your parent. There is too much emotion attached to the problem. So often, family members try to solve this problem by just cleaning out the house and throwing everything away. Although well intentioned, it is the worst thing that you can do. Professionals know exactly where and how to begin. There is a psychological reason why your father has begun hoarding. The truth is that you are not in a position to be able to diagnose what is wrong or why and you cannot expect yourself to be able to solve the problem. Hiring a Hoarding Specialist is going to be worth every penny and will undoubtedly save your dad from having something more serious happen to him.
We have a crisis in this country and most companies do not recognize it. This is extremely interesting since more and more workers are caring for their aging parents. I don’t know how flexible your job is or how much time you are missing from work, but I can tell you that companies need to know that they can count on their employees being present. I know it’s scary, but you might need to speak to your supervisor and explain the situation with your loved one. Have a plan and be clear about how much time you need to miss from work each week; how and when you will make up the time; and what you are willing to do to help your company accomplish their goals if they will work with you to find some time to care for your parent.
I cannot stress enough the importance of having a plan in place for all of your responsibilities. You need to be very clear about exactly what you have to do for your loved one. Are you willing to sacrifice some things so that you can hire an outside caregiver and relieve you of some of your responsibilities? Have you set up a support system of family and friends to help you? If you live near a college you can reach out to the nursing program or the geriatric program and see if they offer any services. Often students are willing to work for less money in order to gain hands-on experience and class credits. There is also senior daycare, which is often affordable and gives the senior an outlet for socialization. Check in your local community for senior day programs.
So often we are afraid to approach our supervisors with honest and open conversation that we tend to sabotage ourselves in the process. Companies don’t like surprises and they don’t like numerous, unexpected absences. I’m not sure what your position is at your company, but you need to try and see this from the company’s perspective. You know what your perspective is, so take some time and examine both sides before you speak to your supervisor. This is always a good idea in almost any situation. Eldercare is very much a part of our societal landscape and if you can present yourself as one who can help offer solutions to the problem for the company, instead of someone who is avoiding the problem, I have a hunch that you might become extremely valuable to them. Take a leap of faith and see if you can help your company grow. Become a valuable resource for them.
If you are having these feelings, you are probably trying to do everything yourself. It’s impossible to do this. Explore the many options on this site and especially in the Self Care section to get some answers to this question. You must set up a support system of help; a group or community of others who can provide assistance and give you a caregiving break. This is really not an option. Your very survival depends on it.
If you feel strongly that she is never going to come back home, then no, it is not too soon. I’ve never understood why we wait until someone has passed away to give their “treasures” to members of the family. Giving your mother’s belongings to others in the family is a kind and loving gesture. You will be representing your mother and carrying out her wishes by thoughtfully deciding who should receive some of her things. If your mother previously determined who should receive certain items, then your task is much easier. If not, sit quietly and take your time to make these decisions I’m sure your family members will appreciate having some of her things while she is still living. If she has a close friend or friends, sometimes a gift of a small memento is a way of keeping her alive with her friends. With your mother’s condition, she might not be aware of what you are doing, but your family and her friends, if you choose, will feel a deeper connection to her things and to her if shared when she is still living.
As you go through this process, take some time for yourself. Walk down memory lane and remember her when she was a vital, young woman. It will help you as you journey through this process.
I’m not sure whether or not your mother is living with you or not, but in the case of men, it is always best to approach them with facts, information, reading material and initially leave the emotion out of it. Based on your question, her condition hasn’t affected him emotionally yet. If he doesn’t have any physical connection to your mother, then you might never really get what you want from him. However, it is absolutely essential that you explain to him how this makes you feel. It is extremely difficult to watch a loved one, especially one’s mother go through the struggle of Alzheimer’s. It is painful and sad and you need his support. So do this for yourself. Explain what her condition does to you emotionally and in the clearest terms possible. For example: Tell him that your heart hurts and you need him to be there for you and then actually ask him for his support. Tell him exactly what you need. Most men will do whatever you ask, but you have to ask and be clear. Perhaps he’s feeling overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to help you. When I expect my husband to “just know what to do,” I’m often disappointed. When I ask; I’m rewarded.
Absolutely not! The minute you suspect that something is wrong with your loved one you must take action. This is an extremely delicate subject for most seniors as it is the last bastion of their independence, but under no circumstances can you allow someone to drive if there is any sign of dementia. The physical risk to others and to oneself is simply too much to think about and there are numerous documented cases of horrible accidents happening when someone was driving who shouldn’t have been. That being said, you must ultimately take the keys away.
We recommend that you begin with the Primary Care Physician. Explain the challenges your loved one is having. Often doctors will help you talk to you loved one. If this doesn’t work, you can call the DMV and explain the situation with your loved one and ask the DMV to schedule a written, visual and driving test as quickly as possible. They are usually very helpful, as they don’t want anyone on the road who is impaired in any way. If you do not get satisfaction with the DMV, then contact your loved one’s insurance company and explain your concerns. The insurance company will help you. While you wait for the actual test, you must do everything you can to limit dangerous driving. You need to have ‘the conversation’ and you need to do it in a kind way that expresses your concerns about safety. If presented correctly, you might find that your loved one is actually relieved to not have to maneuver the roads alone any longer. The early stage of dementia is one of the scariest times for your loved one because of the reality of knowing that something is wrong, but being afraid to talk about it. Be cautious in your presentation and generous in your spirit, but no driving for someone with dementia. It’s simply too dangerous.
First of all, I salute you for your honesty. Your reaction to the nursing home is normal and you should be comforted in that knowledge. Given your mother’s condition it is not likely that she will be leaving the home. It is painful to visit a nursing home and see so many infirmed elderly people who you see as having no quality of life. In the past, when I’ve gone to visit family members who are in homes, my first reaction was physical. I’ve since taught myself how to show up, be present and spend quality time without feeling ill. However, I wasn’t able to accomplish this until I came to terms with the fact that I was feeling fear that this would be me one day. Fear can make us physically ill. And fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real. This does not have to be you in future years.
Given your mother’s condition, she probably doesn’t know how often or how long your visits are, but you need to go. You need to be present and make yourself known so that your mother receives the best possible care. Seniors who are left alone often are ignored. Be present. You need to gear up emotionally. You purchase some bright flowers and you KNOW in your heart that you are serving the greater good by visiting your mom. And when you are there, take her out of her room and get outside as far away from the depressing part of the home as you can.
The hope is that these conversations will have taken place prior to the point when a crisis ensues. We always recommend that families tackle the subject of wills, medical treatment and assisted living when someone is healthy and the conversation is just part of the family dialogue. Have a family meeting and tell your loved one that in order to guarantee that his/her life wishes are respected and carried out, then decisions and plans have to be made. This is all part of life’s journey and planning makes the difference. We recommend that you begin keeping a “family drawer” where important documents are kept. You don’t want to be making these decisions when emotions are running high and there is a medical crisis. This is not the time to be “polite” about money. In order for you to make the appropriate decisions for your loved one, you need to have a clear picture of what finances are available.
Contact the Primary Care Physician and request that the doctor speak to your elderly loved one about driving. If this doesn’t work, then you can contact the DMV and explain the driving situation and ask them to send a letter indicating that your parent or loved one needs to have an actual driving test. If that doesn’t work, then contact the insurance company and explain your concerns. The insurance company and the DMV are usually very welcoming in helping you solve your problem. This is a serious issue and you cannot ignore it or take it lightly. It’s also important to make sure that the elder can still be mobile. You need to make arrangements for transportation.
If things become really bad, the only thing you can do is contact the court and ask to set up a conservatorship. This is not in anyone’s best interest. You really do not want to go this route, as everything pertaining to the elder is now in the hands of a total stranger. However, there is nothing you can do if a will is not in place and if the senior refuses to make the necessary arrangements.
Regarding medical treatment; if there is no medical directive then doctors must do whatever is required by law to keep someone alive. The family will have no say. It’s a sad state of affairs when this happens.
Simply put, seniors have to plan how they want things to be done when they become unable to care for themselves. They need to be specific about their desires and have everything legally in order. We always recommend careful consideration when determining who will be making decisions should someone become incapacitated. And even if all the appropriate measures are taken, there is never a true guarantee that children and relatives will conduct themselves respectfully. It starts with the making plans before the senior is unable to care for him/herself. Whoever is asked to be the Power of Attorney or the designated person to make medical decisions when the senior cannot needs to be selected very, very carefully. This person MUST be willing to keep copious financial and medical records and share the information with others in the family.
It is absolutely essential that you know your parents’ financial situation. Being caught in the Sandwich Generation requires you to make some plans in advance. You have an obligation to your children to care for them and their financial needs first. It’s possible that they might have to do without some extras, but certainly you can’t expect children (your children) to understand that they will be doing without. Your children must come first. It’s possible that if your parents need your help, both physically, emotionally and financially that they might have to do without some of the things that they’ve always enjoyed. You need to understand that your parents, in most cases, would NOT want their grandchildren to be deprived of the “extras” that they have enjoyed. This leads to guilt, sadness, and a feeling of worthlessness. Being honest and forthright about the effects of
caring for your parents is key to success.
Honestly, there will be times when you might have to miss ‘some’ family time, but you should try and have your parents involved in as many activities with the family as possible. Guilt is a huge part of the Sandwich Generation and so, managing the guilt and realizing that you can’t FIX what’s wrong, makes caring for your parents a less stressful task. This is a life changing time and you have to deal with it openly and honestly with everyone, including your children. This is not the time to be a martyr. Keep your perspective by talking to your spouse, your children and your parents. Walking around feeling guilty and resentful does nothing except exacerbate the situation for everyone. You can’t be in five different places at one time. Keep your calendar up-to-date and plan ahead. If you have a good support team in place, you can let others know when you will need someone to cover for you. You don’t always have to be present. Others can bring comfort and care to your loved one and relief to you. Be clear about your needs.
It’s possible that your children might have some responsibilities and that’s okay. It’s good for children to spend time helping within the family dynamic. It’s important for them to be exposed to the aging process and children and grandparents often forge closer, more loving relationships during this time. Honoring and helping our elders is a foreign concept in this country, but in the rest of the world, our elderly are revered. Nothing bad can come of asking your children to assist you with some of the responsibility.
Depending upon their age, you should definitely bring your children into the conversation and explain what is happening. We keep too many important family changes to ourselves in order to protect our children. The problem with this is that they sense something is wrong and they feel omitted from the dialogue. Include them and see what happens.
It’s impossible to answer this question because each family is different. This really depends on the size of your home. If you can avoid your children sharing a room, that’s obviously optimal. If there is no other option, then possibly they will have to share.
You must stay on course to save for college. This is your obligation to your children and as previously mentioned above, no grandparent would want their grandchildren to miss out on going to college because of them. Caring for your parents is like running a small business. You have to plan and be prepared. If you wait until it happens, you’re going to be overwhelmed and unable to put a clearly defined plan together. When a crisis occurs, it is not the time to begin thinking about this.
Your question raises lots of questions for us. Before your mother moved into your house, did you discuss with her that you expected her to chip in and help? If not, then you need to get very clear about what your expectations are for her in exchange for providing a safe place for her to live. This issue brings up boundaries - and whether or not you have them. If you have a difficult time with boundary setting, you are really going to have a difficult time setting them for your mother. That being said, this is your home and she’s living with YOU. We assume you have rules in your home. We assume everyone helps out with chores or has some responsibility. If your mother is in good health, then the same rules have to apply to her. Make a list of all the things you have to do on a daily basis to maintain your home and then calmly talk to your mother about ways that she could help. Ask her which tasks she would like to do and then stop talking. Don’t say another word, until she answers you. She will get the message that this is not a hotel and that you have certain expectations. When a parent is in good health and moves in, there is no reason why she should not have to participate in the daily activities required to maintain a home. Get clear about exactly what you expect her to do and then ask. If she refuses contact us at info@thecarecompany.biz and we’ll figure out another way of approaching the subject.
Wow! Dad clearly doesn’t understand that having someone cook meals for him is a gift. Did he used to eat the food that your mother cooked for him before they moved in with you and your family? I would assume so or he cooked for himself. There is nothing that says you have to continue cooking for someone who is unappreciative of the gift of sitting down to dinner with his daughter and his grandchildren. Explain very clearly to him that since he doesn’t seem pleased with your cooking, that he could do his own cooking. You can also suggest that your mom continue cooking as she has always done. Unless there is some cognitive impairment going on with your father, this is inexcusable behavior and you don’t have to put up with it for another minute.
This is not an uncommon problem and it is most definitely nerve-wracking. You need to sit down with your mother and be very clear about the importance of her physical therapy. Unless she has hired an outside physical therapist on her own, this is doctor prescribed. Let her know that you will be contacting her doctor about other alternatives. In home physical therapy is a wonderful alternative to a rehab facility. Be clear about the reasons why she needs to do her PT; share your thoughts with her; try to be home when the PT arrives and stay in the room when she is having her session. Unless there is some physical reason for her refusal to do her PT, then it’s not optional. If there is a medical reason why she cannot physically do PT, then you will need to see the doctor and come up with another plan of action.
Usually when someone doesn’t take the medication that can help keep him out of the hospital, it is because he is not clear about how to take the medication or he doesn’t remember to take it. There could be a few issues going on here. The first thing you need to do is assess whether your father understands the importance of taking the medication that the doctor has prescribed. Many elderly people do not understand what the medication does. Not all doctors are good at sharing the message. So first and foremost, you need to explain what the medication is treating and how it will help keep him out of the hospital. Assuming he understands what you are saying, this should give him a reason to take it.
However, if he is having some cognitive decline (even is it’s not really noticeable), he might not remember to take it. The Care Company recommends that you make an appointment with the Primary Care Physician and have your dad thoroughly assessed.
It’s also possible that the medication regime is too difficult for him to understand, so he just doesn’t take his meds. With congestive heart failure in particular, the Lasix dosage, which is usually prescribed, often changes from day-to-day and this is particularly confusing for an elderly person. Consider organizing your Dad’s medication for him once a week and then remind him to take what you have organized on a daily basis.
Bruising is nothing to be ignored. Chances are good that your mother took a fall or falls and that she doesn’t want you to know. Falls leave signs. One of them is bruising, but often, falls lead to fractures or internal bleeding and you need to know what happened. Ask your mother with love and in a completely calm voice, to explain how she got the bruises. You might have to coax it out of her because it’s likely that falling embarrasses her. If, indeed, she has fallen, take her to the doctor to have her checked. Bruising of the skin does not just appear one day out of the blue. There is a reason and you need to have a doctor examine her.
If you have outside care for her in the house and you notice bruises on her body, then you need to find out if the caregiver is being too rough or if something else is going on. You cannot ignore this regardless of what the caregiver tells you. Elder abuse is on the rise and you need to be proactive about this. We are not trying to frighten you, but rather make you aware.
Ahhh, one of the most difficult things for us to accept about the aging process is when a loved one begins ignoring personal hygiene. For many of the elderly, personal hygiene is one of the first things to go. You cannot ignore this. Forget your discomfort with this subject for a minute; your loved one’s dignity is at play. Chances are really good that your dad knows that he smells, but he’s so embarrassed by this, and therefore he acts as though nothing is wrong. Assuming he is not in cognitive decline, you need to help him through this awkward and embarrassing time. Make an appointment with the doctor to find out what exactly is happening. Perhaps showering has just become too difficult and you need to create a safe and secure place for him to shower. Sign up to receive our complimentary Ezine and receive a full report on Elder-proofing the Home.
Perhaps it’s an incontinence issue. There are medical treatments that work. Schedule an appointment with the doctor and call in advance to alert the office about the reason for your visit. Doctors are very good at addressing hygiene issues, if you feel unable to do it. Once you get to the root of the problem, make sure that your father is wearing clean clothes. It might be that you have to do his laundry or take it to the cleaners. A decline in personal hygiene requires that the family do their due diligence to ensure that an elderly loved one maintains personal dignity. Many seniors become isolated or end up in alternative living facilities because of these issues. Don’t let that happen to your dad.
Often, with a senior, lying accompanies lack of compliance. She’s not really lying; she’s embarrassed at not taking them and probably frustrated by her medications. It’s possible she doesn’t remember to take them. It’s possible she doesn’t know how to take them. It’s possible that taking them overwhelms her. It’s possible that she’s having a bad physical reaction to them and that she doesn’t want you to know. These are some of the possibilities. You need to get to the heart of what is keeping her from taking her medications. Tell her clearly and with kindness and respect that you know she isn’t taking her meds and then ask her how you can help her. Tell her how much you love her and that you want to make this easier. Ask if she’s having a reaction? You might need to change the daily protocol. You might need to find other medications that react better with her body. You should see the doctor for an assessment. You might need to just organize her medications for her. Remind her that her doctors have prescribed her medications to help her and that if she doesn’t take them, there will be medical consequences. Usually it’s a simple tweak of getting things right that solves the problem.
This is an easy situation to solve. By now you should have had the conversation about the Power of Attorney for Assets and signed the Medical Directive. If you are the person who is designated to act on behalf of your parents then you can the contact the doctors and ask if your parents are making and keeping their appointments. If you are not the Power of Attorney, no doctor or his staff will share any information with you. If you are worried that they are not being responsible with doctor’s appointments, then you might need to step in and take over the scheduling of appointments and the chauffeuring of your parents to the doctor’s office. (It’s a good idea to meet your parent’s doctors, but be sure that you want to take on this responsibility.)
Organization is key to helping a loved one keep all the medical papers, insurance documents, prescriptions etc. in order. You must create a system that works for you and your mom. It’s possible that she is not going to be able to keep track of all the paperwork and you don’t want bills and important payments being ignored. If you are going to take over managing the medical for your mom, The Care Company recommends that you get very organized and schedule time each week to keep up with her paperwork.