Helping Your Loved One Maintain Independence

What steps can you legally take to prevent an elderly person from driving if they refuse to hand over their license or keys?: Contact the Primary Care Physician and request that the doctor speak to your elderly loved one about driving. If this doesn’t work, then you can contact the DMV and explain the driving situation and ask them to send a letter indicating that your parent or loved one needs to have an actual driving test. If that doesn’t work, then contact the insurance company and explain your concerns. The insurance company and the DMV are usually very welcoming in helping you solve your problem. This is a serious issue and you cannot ignore it or take it lightly. It’s also important to make sure that the elder can still be mobile. You need to make arrangements for transportation.
Mom is becoming increasingly incontinent. I want to ask her to wear an adult diaper. How should approach this subject?: This is a challenging subject and one that requires sensitivity because you are dealing with a senior who is in transition. By this we mean that there are certain points in a senior’s life when physical changes serve as major obstacles and they often don’t know how to deal or cope with them. Incontinence is normal and part of the aging process. We know of no senior who is without this issue. The best way to discuss the subject is with sensitivity and clarity. You need to find the time when you and your mom can be alone together and have ‘the conversation’. If her faculties are in place, chances are good that she is well aware of her incontinence issue. She is probably embarrassed, but doesn’t know what to do. This is a dignity issue – helping your mother understand that her dignity is very important to you and you know it’s important to her. Many seniors who are suffering from incontinence are not even aware that very good undergarments exist that can save them from embarrassment. Explain that by wearing an undergarment (try to avoid using the word diaper) she will be able to continue to go out and be with friends and family and not have to worry about embarrassing situations. Let her know that this will help her to be comfortable when a bathroom might be too far away or if she has a sudden urge to “go” and she can’t control her bladder. Explain that the undergarment will give her more security and peace of mind. Explain that she can also sleep in it, which will make getting up at night less fearful for her. We always worry about broaching the subject, but usually the outcome of these conversations is one of relief and resolve.

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It is a fallacy in thinking that most elders are not healthy enough to remain at home independently. The truth is that a very small portion of our elderly population lives in assisted living or skilled nursing facilities. Only 4-6 percent of the elderly population requires skilled nursing care. Are you surprised? We were. The majority of the elderly lives independently in spite of their physical or medical challenges and receive assistance, either financial or physical or both, from family members, friends, volunteers, community services and health services. The Care Company thinks this is heart-warming news and contrary to all the gloom and doom in our nightly news programs.

We hate to sound like a broken record, but the ONLY way to make this happen for your loved one is to PLAN and plan in advance. As a family you will have to pitch in and make some adjustments for your elderly relatives. At the very least you will have to make the house safe. The Care Company has created the Elder-proof Your Home Scavenger Hunt that is available for free when you sign up to receive our complimentary Ezine. Add link This is a great project to involve the youngest family members in – helping beloved grand-parents be safe in their home. Perfect!

Independence means having an honest conversation about finances, legal issues, insurance policies, medical challenges and end of life issues. If you can have this conversation in an adult, kind, caring and constructive way, you will be on the road to success in creating a home life for your loved one that helps him/her stay independent, but without the fear and worry of having to handle everyday life challenges, such as: home maintenance, home safety, car maintenance, grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments, etc. Keeping an elderly loved one independent does not mean that the family ignores the fact that someone might require some assistance. Offering alternatives that make life easier for an elderly person allow him/her to continue with independent living, but without the worry and fear. Life is changing and your choice is to wait for a crisis and then try to figure it out, or plan ahead and understand that the circumstances are going to be ever changing. If you can be okay with change, you will fair far better in the senior care journey.

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