As a family caregiver you are all too aware of the challenges of managing activities of daily living. For most seniors struggling with ADLs, they are aware of the challenges, however, they don’t want to discuss it with you or anyone. But you must. You must have a conversation.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if activities of daily living did not become an issue for people as they age? Wouldn’t it be a glorious thing if, at 88 years of age, taking a shower was a joyful experience? Wouldn’t it be brilliant if our memories remained in tact and we remembered everything until our passing? Wouldn’t it be marvelous if we could sleep a solid 8 hours every night? The list goes on and on of what would be wonderful…if only. But the truth is that for most seniors this is not the case, and as a family caregiver you are all too aware of the challenges of managing activities of daily living. For most seniors struggling with ADLs, they are aware of the challenges, however, they don’t want to discuss it with you or anyone. But you must. You must have a conversation. Perhaps you’re thinking, “Another conversation?” But, yes, another conversation is in order when you see a loved one struggling with ADLs.
Once you recognize that your loved one is in need of assistance, do not be upset if your good intentions are met with resistance. For the most part, older people do not like change and do not want to be reminded that they need help. Approach change gently. When we find ourselves in this situation, we want to “fix it” and fix it NOW! You probably know your loved one better than anyone else but, in our experience, approaching the subject from a loving, kind, and concerned place is the best way to begin. Consider making an appointment. Most people take appointments seriously and this is a serious conversation. Take your time and let your loved one know that you want to help make life easier.
The most difficult challenge for many is the role reversal. It’s so hard to think of being the go-to person for a parent or loved one. Our parents are the ones who are supposed to care for us. We are never really prepared for this transformational time in our lives, and there is no way to plan for the feelings that naturally occur. But you have to do some things that will allow your loved one to continue to live with dignity, safety and without struggling.
Do not make too many changes too quickly. You must respect that things have been done in a certain way “forever” and this is very important for his/her comfort level. Don’t rearrange their home just because you think it would be easier for them. Even though we are living much longer and longer, the aging process is not easy, especially when the body breaks down and every day it becomes more difficult to remember things that seemed like second nature just a short time ago. Have Compassion. If you are short on patience, leave the room, take a breath, and come back. You don’t want your intentions misinterpreted, but you also don’t want to be perceived in a threatening manner. Any new change feels threatening. Remember that change is hard, even when it is meant to help. Ease into this process. Take your time with this process to set the stage for how your move forward.
