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Holidays and Gift Giving

Posted May 23rd, 2011 by Cindy Laverty

Memories can be an especially sensitive issue. They have the ability to be wonderfully moving if the senior is encouraged to share memories and experiences. However, if the senior is made to feel like his/her memories don’t matter, a feeling of isolation can take over. Try not to let this happen. The more you can involve your loved one in holiday celebrations, the better.

There is something quite lovely about children learning from seniors. They carry our history in their souls and, unless someone has severe dementia or Alzheimer’s, children can learn volumes about their culture, heritage, family traditions, etc., from an elder member of your family. Encourage the sharing of remembrances from long ago. The stories will warm everyone’s heart. If you know that the senior has special traditions, make an effort to include them into your holiday celebration. If it’s a special food, or song, or gift, anything, a small amount of energy can reap a huge reward. Holidays are about making those we love feel loved. Don’t leave your senior relative out of the festivities.

Gift Giving

Have you ever agonized over what gift to give your mom or dad or elderly relative? If you’re like most of us, then the answer is: Yes. I remember so clearly wondering what to buy, so I put it off because I didn’t know—and Bob, (my former father-in-law who I cared for) already had everything, not to mention that he didn’t do much of anything, so what could I possibly give? I would give anything now if I had just one more birthday or holiday to shop for him. Sometimes lessons come to us when it’s too late.

I am here to tell you—it doesn’t matter. Stop agonizing and enjoy the process of giving a gift to someone you love. It doesn’t matter if your gift never gets used. It doesn’t matter if you don’t receive accolades for the gift. What matters is the giving. What matters is a beautifully wrapped gift which speaks LOVE. Here’s a list of great gifts that will make a difference.

Find a photo from your loved one’s past. Have it cleaned up and framed. Memories create happy moments.

Give a beautiful hankie to a grandmother.

Give a tie to grandpa. A tie says, “We’re going somewhere fancy one day soon.” Make sure you actually make arrangements for the tie to be worn. Follow through.

Give a music box with a favorite song.

DVDs of movies from their past create hours of peaceful afternoons.

CDs of favorite music – or better yet, create a CD especially for your loved one with all his/her most loved music.

Make a basket of favorite treats or, better yet, have your children bake something special.

Give a digital voice recorder and encourage the senior to tell his/her Life Story.

When someone reaches true maturity, it’s not the things—it’s the thought. It’s the moments with the family. It’s the treasure of being with loved ones. The caregiving journey allows you to create moments and memories that will be cherished. Creating moments is what our life is all about. Make them special.

Managing Those Pesky Meds

Posted May 23rd, 2011 by Cindy Laverty

One of my greatest joys is when I have the opportunity to meet family caregivers in person. Usually it is when I speak at events, but often it’s in the comfort of someone’s home. The subject that continually comes up is concern about making sure that loved ones take their medications on time and correctly, even if they live across the country away from the family caregiver. The reasons for their concerns are actually borne out of statistics. Older women consume 60 percent of all prescription and over-the-counter medications; the number of prescriptions written for older adults averages 15 per person per year; and 83 percent of people over 65 are taking prescription medications. With 15 medications to take on a regular basis, accidental overdosing or even misdosing would be a problem for anyone; but for many of our loved ones, the risks are increased by memory loss, hearing difficulties, low vision and simply an inability to figure it all out.

Caregiver Medication Compliance Tips:

Find out how foods, vitamins, aspirin and supplements can affect the medications your loved one is taking. You can do this by checking with the primary care physician or the pharmacist.
Use a pill bottle or electronic pill organizer and organize the medications by day, preferably at least a week in advance.
Make sure your loved one takes medications exactly as directed by their doctor. Make sure that they don’t stop prematurely or change the timing or dosage without consulting their physician.
Make sure that your loved one knows never to take any medication prescribed for someone else.
Regularly check the medicine chest and refrigerator for medication usage patterns, expiration dates, and to ensure timely refills.

I have heard horror stories over the years. I met a woman once who was about 80 years old and she diagnosed her husband as having depression. She had battled with her own bouts of depression and thought she knew all the symptoms. So she began giving her husband her depression medication. The medication that she was on was not in compliance with his other medications and he ended up in the hospital with horrible side effects. Never, ever share medications.

Another woman told me the story of how a hired caregiver had taken her husband’s blood pressure one day and it was low. So she single-handedly made the decision to withhold his blood pressure medication thinking it was going to lower the patient’s blood pressure even further. The patient’s pulse was rising rapidly and it got so high that he had a stroke. The cardiac medicine that had been prescribed was for the pulse purpose, not just for blood pressure. This is an extreme case, but these types of situations happen often and the consequences are huge.

Mistakes like this are made everyday due to the rise in polypharmacy prescribed by numerous doctors treating the same patient. There are also numerous stories about people creating elaborate systems to manage a loved one’s medications, but when it comes to taking their own medications, many are holding back on pills, cutting them in half to save money or not refilling prescriptions due to cost.

Medications need to be taken carefully and with as much awareness as is possible to understand risks as well as benefits. Self-medicating is dangerous, but so is under-medicating, for you or your loved one.

As in everything else having to do with caregiving, successful medication management works best when you work as a team and that includes checking with the doctor before doing anything that is not prescribed.

The Family Pet

Posted May 23rd, 2011 by Cindy Laverty

The human - animal bond is a powerful one and studies have shown that animals can have a beneficial effect on human health and emotional well-being. More and more service animals are being brought into hospitals and nursing homes to provide comfort and companionship. The connection is instant and there are numerous stories espousing the magic that exists between humans and animals.

We love animals and believe strongly in bringing an animal into the home of your loved one, providing the animal receives the proper care. Beautiful bonds between seniors and animals have been documented and seniors who suffer from depression can find love and comfort from having a pet. But pet care takes time and is another responsibility. Think carefully about your decision about adding a pet to the household.

If a pet is already living in your loved one’s home, then you really have no choice except to make sure that proper care is provided. It is possible that your loved one has become lax in this area and you may need to make an appointment with the veterinarian to make certain that everything is okay. If you are in a position to hire outside help to walk or run a dog or to have someone come in and feed the senior’s pet, this is one way to help minimize your responsibility and gives the senior peace of mind. It’s also a nice idea to consider having a mobile groomer come every few months for sanitation reasons. You don’t want to be bringing extra dirt and germs into the house, so this really alleviates a lot of extra labor for you. Do you really have time to bathe a dog?

Animals provide a huge amount of companionship and the joy that is brought to the home is often worth the extra investment in time and money.

* Make sure you keep a current photo of the animal in house in case it gets out of the house or yard.

When the Caregiving Journey Ends

Posted May 23rd, 2011 by Cindy Laverty

It’s a different experience for each caregiver. When the person for whom you are caring, transitions from this life, many caregivers feel as though their life has come to an end as well. Even if you have had time to prepare for the end of another person’s life, your life is greatly affected by the absence of daily caregiving events and activities.

In the beginning of the caregiving process, you had to adjust your life, career and social activities to make time for another. Take a moment and recall back to the initial stages of what you experienced when you first became a caregiver, and understand that even though you are now in a different place, the same feelings will re-surface for you. It’s an interesting thing about change. Change is constant, but we human beings are hard-wired to fight change like crazy. Generally speaking, it’s not the change that’s so difficult, it’s our inability to adapt to the change, and often we lose ourselves in the process.

When caregiving ends there is a natural feeling of loss. On two different fronts you are forced to accept the reality of losing your purpose or role as a caregiver, while suffering the loss of losing a loved one. For many family caregivers and even professional caregivers, the aftermath can be extremely difficult, leaving you feeling lost, lonely, sad and even, useless. The future seems murky and you’re not sure where to turn or how to manage your own life. Do you remember when you turned the corner of being an overwhelmed caregiver and you became physically stronger and mentally clearer about your role, and the whole process just seemed easier? Do you remember when you were able to find your internal strength? You need to find it again.

The first step is to allow yourself to feel the loss. There is loss on many different levels. You may feel relief that the person for whom you have been caring is no longer suffering, but the sadness of missing the person is ever-present. There is also the loss of a huge part of your life. You may feel anger, resentment, and regret (for the things not said or resolved). And you may very well feel guilt. Guilt because you couldn’t do more. Guilt because you couldn’t fix what was wrong. Guilt is a powerful feeling and I encourage you try and not go down that road. The truth is that you did everything you could and you need to rejoice in knowing that you served a valuable purpose in someone’s life. Listen to your soul and honor the feelings that you are experiencing. Above all else, do not stuff them and pretend that you are fine. The healing process depends on your ability to allow yourself to feel – feel everything and with gusto. Above all else, be kind to yourself.

Time will help you heal. As you slowly move forward, day-to-day living becomes easier. Share your feelings with family members and friends. Consider attending a bereavement support group. (Check your local area to find one.) Bereavement support groups provide a safe place for you to share your fears, sadness and ambivalence about life. If your sadness and depression is extreme, seek the help of a professional. Often the future looks bleak. It’s an empty canvas and you have choices to make. This is your time. If you’re not ready to go back to work, try engaging in activities that you were not able to do during the caregiving years. Consider volunteering for an organization that once helped you.

I am a big believer in journaling about all things in life, but especially about your caregiving experience. When you start journaling you will see that the caregiver journey has enriched your life in ways that you can’t even begin to imagine. Reach deep inside yourself and let the feelings move through you. Putting pen to paper without a filter is so beneficial for your soul. Allow yourself small indulgences.

The aftermath of caregiving is another journey. You don’t have to have all the answers. Take a breather from life. Consider a vacation – a quiet vacation that allows you time to reflect. When my caregiving journey ended and the dust had settled, I was left with all these emotions to manage and a life without clear direction; I went away by myself for a few days. I walked the beach. I read books. I wrote. I slept. I cried. I prayed. I let it all pour over me and when I returned home I felt alive again. This is not to say that I didn’t have days of sadness or shear terror about the future, but I felt alive. I was ready for the next step. Sometimes it just feels good to know that you are more resilient than you thought and that you are not alone.

You will benefit greatly if you give yourself permission to just feel the emotion; experience the pain; feel the relief; ask for support; and allow yourself to find your way. Some days it will feel easy and light, and others it will feel like you’re climbing a mountain. Try to remember that this is your time. I believe that your caregiver journey has proven that you can take on just about anything. New beginnings await you. Discover the joy of reinventing your life.

Let’s recap some of the things you can do to get through this very challenging period in your life:

Be kind to yourself
Allow yourself to cry and feel the emotion
Don’t expect to be fine
Consider attending a support group (Check your local area)
Take each day slowly
Nap
Rest
Focus on your body (Chances are good you’ve been ignoring your well being.)
Journal each day and see what shows up for you
Consider taking a vacation by yourself to put your life together again